I can fake decent penmanship, but generally, it's really just terrible. And, unfortunately for me, maybe fortunately for the reader, it's very often illegible. If I get an idea, and if I do remember to write it down, which is rare, I write in such a way that I can't read a letter.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
I don't like Drake as a person. He's just fake to me.
I am myself a fabulous fake.
My mother used to ask me to stay home from school and keep her company. I'd fake I was sick, and she'd fake believing me.
I was raised in an evangelical Methodist church. Evangelical meant that though you had been baptized and made a member of the church on Sunday morning, you still had to be 'saved' on Sunday night. I wanted to be saved, but I did not think you should fake it.
If you have parents who can't show you love, a kid can grow up to look arrogant. Because they need to create a fake self. Or they think they're more powerful than they really are.
I wrote about people who liked fake fireplaces in their parlor, who thought a brass horse with a clock embedded in its flank was wonderful.
NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have no desire to go into space after seeing the toilet.
Romance, like the rabbit at the dog track, is the elusive, fake, and never attained reward which, for the benefit and amusement of our masters, keeps us running and thinking in safe circles.
There's nothing fake about flipping over and landing on your back.
I always try to slip healthy things by my kids. I give them sweet potato French fries and fake chicken nuggets.
When I was in sixth grade there was a talent show, and I wrote my first sketch, 'The Dentist.' I played the dentist, and I had my friend play a patient. It was sort of what can go wrong at the dentist, and I just remember I had lots of fake blood and everything.
It worried me when Britney snogged Madonna. It looked a bit fake. It screamed 'We're in this for the money.
But Opera Man, I go, 'Oh, crap! Why didn't I think of that?' Because I could sing fake opera pretty good.
I'm not good with sci-fi stuff. I'll be in it, as long as I can see what I'm dealing with and know it's fake. As soon as I watch it on TV, though, my brain registers it as 'Everything's real!'
I wanted to learn how to blog, so I was playing around with Wordpress and Typepad and Blogger, starting all these different blogs just to learn how these things work. I had a fake Sergey Brin blog, an anonymous, fake Ph.D kind of blog. I did it for, like, I don't know, six weeks, and the Steve Jobs one just caught on.
I can't help but laugh at all of you writing fake stories about me. I was not in any hit and runs. I don't drink so the DUI is false.
I never want to fake it. That's my whole thing.
If anybody dared say wrestling was fake, you'd punch 'em. And you never used the word show. If you used the word show it was an insult.
Most important to any fake story is a plausible, realistic edge with a satirical twist that is topical.
You can't fake it when you're alone with God, you know.
If you're on TV regularly, doing a thing regularly, whether you're Anthony Anderson on 'Black-ish' or Don Lemon, an hour a night, you have to turn into, 'What's the delivery system through which I can deliver information?' I don't mean they are being fake or that they are doing something that's disingenuous.
It's been too many years since I've played live as myself as opposed to in a fake band for a film.
I've decided that I am totally against jewelry. So I have all fake. There's no reason to have real diamonds. People think it's real anyway.
When I was writing my column, I would almost always be recognized when I was in a restaurant, even if I was reviewing it and had booked under a fake name, so free stuff would start coming out of the kitchen on a conveyer belt, fantastic wines would be opened at my table. Now I can't even get a reservation on the pizza joint on the corner.
You can fake your age or mask it, but the passion that moves the characters has to be real.
I've actually changed my view of Los Angeles. When I was younger, I hated it, because I thought it was fake and superficial. As I've gotten older, I've found that to be absolutely true, but I don't care.
Because I hate fake people and I always think I'm never fake.
I think, to me, reality is better than being fake.
As soon as you are trying to be funny or dramatic, that's when things start feeling fake and boring.
Don't we all just really try to fake it well?
Years and years ago, I was obsessed with these Pamela Love necklaces, and they had a claw, like an eagle claw, which was silver. Then I found one on this random website. I thought it was a fake claw, and when it arrived, it was a real one, cut off from the animal! It came to my house, and it was disgusting; it was a chicken claw or something.
Some of the kids in school used to call my father a fake or a phony. That kind of thing brought on a few fights.
Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of a fake messiah.
I do a bit called, 'You go, girl!' where I say, 'Don't tell me 'You go, girl!' I get it. I don't need you encourage me.' And nine times out of 10 after I finish the bit, some guy in the back will yell 'You go, girl!' I get a lot of that or 'I hear ya!' I don't generally - knock on fake wood - get mean heckling.
