I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience.
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.
