I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
All right, then, I'll go to hell.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.