Zitat des Tages von Jeff Foxworthy:
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
There's no down time any more.
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.