Zitat des Tages von Dave Barry:
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.