Ambrose Bierce Zitate auf Englisch

Zitat des Tages von Ambrose Bierce:

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

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The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

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Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

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Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

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Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

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Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

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Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

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Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

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Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London.

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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

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Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

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Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

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Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.

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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

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Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.

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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

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There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

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Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

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