Ambrose Bierce Zitate auf Englisch

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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

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Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

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Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

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Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

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Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.

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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

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Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.

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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

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Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

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Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

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Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

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