Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.
Doubt is the father of invention.
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.
Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.