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When I was about 4, my mum had a lime-green Versace jacket with massive shoulder pads, and I remember thinking, 'Why does her head look so small? Why is she doing that to herself?' But she loved it!
That's the thing about suicide. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it.
I remember leaving the hospital - thinking, 'Wait, are they going to let me just walk off with him? I don't know beans about babies! I don't have a license to do this.' We're just amateurs.
I remember being described often as 'the horrifically ugly Jack McCall,' and I kept thinking it took me about 10 seconds to get like that.
When I first met Alan, I was absolutely terrified. I was 19, he was Alan Rickman, and he's got that voice, and I remember meeting him in the hair and make-up trailer and thinking, 'I'm going to die. He thinks I'm rubbish. Why am I here?'
I remember one time I went to Craigslist to find something; that's how bad I wanted it. It was a pair of Raf Simons - this was like 2010. But Raf said he was going to make them for me.
I really have always wanted to be a parent, and when I hit 36 and had just ended a relationship, I remember thinking how much I still wanted it. But I thought I'd adopt.
I remember thinking that the rest of my life would be solo. I wasn't weepy when I thought that - it was just a realization that I had gone this long being self-sufficient.
I remember my mom saying that after you have a baby you get really thin. So you gain all that weight and then you just lose it and keep losing it.
