Zitat des Tages von Woody Allen:
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Marriage is the death of hope.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
I am two with nature.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.