Zitat des Tages von W. C. Fields:
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.