Rodney Dangerfield Zitate auf Englisch

Zitat des Tages von Rodney Dangerfield:

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

Rodney Dangerfield

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

Rodney Dangerfield

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.

Rodney Dangerfield

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

Rodney Dangerfield

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

Rodney Dangerfield

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

Rodney Dangerfield

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Rodney Dangerfield

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Rodney Dangerfield

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield

My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield