Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.
If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.
As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
A loafer always has the correct time.
It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.
Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.