Zitat des Tages von Karl Pilkington:
I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs.
People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?
I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.
It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.
For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.
A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect.
When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.
I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed.
You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.
The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone.
The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere.
People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door.
People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.
To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?
I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.
And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'
They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?
I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.
I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that.
I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling.
I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.
Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.
It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.
Comedy's really subjective, you know.
I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.
People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.
I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference.
That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.
To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after.
I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.
All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird.
I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.