I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.
I've always been looking for other people's approval.
If you write, produce and direct, you own things and see them through to the end.
I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery.
Oh, I'm terrible at travel.
I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.
I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.
Being behind the camera is where I feel comfortable. I've found something that I feel I, as 'Michael,' can be as confident in as 'Johnny' was on the stage. It's great being part of the creative process. You're right at the start of an idea, and you get to see it all the way through till the end.
There was always that thing with 'Johnny' - I always saw myself as his writer and PR. But when he got out there, I had no control. His whole thing was going off on those flights of fancy. Going, 'Let's see what we can possibly do that hasn't been done before up here.' And when it works, it's lovely; it's a great night.
From a certain age, I sort of accepted myself for what I was. And although to other people it was like nothing ever goes right, I had a really nice attitude that I'd inherited from my parents, and especially from my dad.
I'm loath to use my personal life to promote what I do, but at the same time, I don't like a journalist going away with no more than you could get off Wikipedia, where most of it's invented anyway.
We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.
I struggle as a writer, and I'm convinced that if I was at school now, I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting.
I've got my finger in a lot of pies.
I found popularity through self-destruction, and that can be quite addictive.
I think it sort of dawns on you that if you're not gigging constantly you're not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors, but to a young live-comedy audience you're not, really.
They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.
'Johnny' was a coping mechanism who could take those things which could have ordinarily destroyed me, by tweaking my past and throwing it back out there, getting laughs from things that would have otherwise upset me.
It can be tough as a jobbing actor.
I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.