Elayne Boosler Zitate auf Englisch

Zitat des Tages von Elayne Boosler:

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.

Elayne Boosler

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

Elayne Boosler

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Elayne Boosler

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Elayne Boosler

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

Elayne Boosler

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

Elayne Boosler

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

Elayne Boosler

I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.

Elayne Boosler

I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.

Elayne Boosler

Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, a couple of Susan B. Anthony's, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, a Sacajawea or two, and an Abe Lincoln to cover Scalia in full.

Elayne Boosler

When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying.

Elayne Boosler

I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.

Elayne Boosler

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Elayne Boosler

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

Elayne Boosler

The message of great art is to disturb.

Elayne Boosler

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

Elayne Boosler

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

Elayne Boosler

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

Elayne Boosler

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

Elayne Boosler

Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded.

Elayne Boosler

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Elayne Boosler

While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats; they keep reducing space for the one feature that attracts new young readers in the first place; the comic strips.

Elayne Boosler

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

Elayne Boosler

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

Elayne Boosler

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

Elayne Boosler

I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'

Elayne Boosler

Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.

Elayne Boosler

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

Elayne Boosler

My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy.

Elayne Boosler

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

Elayne Boosler

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.

Elayne Boosler

Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.

Elayne Boosler

Wouldn't it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, 'Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub.'

Elayne Boosler

I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

Elayne Boosler

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

Elayne Boosler