Zitat des Tages von Chris Rock:
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
I live way below my means.
Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.
My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000 dollars. I'm thinking, 'I've got 45 grand left!' Taxes didn't even come into my equation. At the end of the first year of making 90 grand I was 25, 30 in the hole. We live in this baller, spend-money culture.
I used to hang out with grandfather all the time because he used to pick me up from school sometimes, or drive me to my mother's, so I'd be with my grandfather a lot. I used to watch him write his sermons.
My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.
A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
The thing that surprised me the most is just how much money women that weren't rich were paying for their hair. When you're in a beauty parlor in Harlem next to abandoned buildings and somebody's paying five grand for a weave, that's a bit much.
No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it's a privilege.
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
Anything I say about women, I try to make sure that at least five or six friends of mine are going through a similar situation. That way I'm not picking on my wife.
Hollywood's just not funny.
There's some downsides to being famous, which are not even worth mentioning. But to combat the bad sides of being famous, you really should take advantage of the good sides. The good sides are, you can use that fame to get projects you might not normally get.
Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.