You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
I can't negate the theory that the Huxtables on 'The Cosby Show' may have helped pave the way for the Obama family. People enjoyed watching that black family.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
I use the exercise room early, because I don't want to get on the treadmill and everyone's going 'Oh, Bill Cosby,' and then they come around to see how fast I'm walking, and it becomes very competitive.
I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out.
Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.
Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.
The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
Too many people are waiting for Jesus to come along and cut your grass. And Jesus isn't going to come along and cut your grass.
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not there.
I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior.
People say children are charming because they tell the truth. That's a lie. I've got five of them. They only tell the truth if they're in pain.
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.
Nobody asked you to flip burgers for the rest of your life.
I think 'I Spy,' still when you look at it, speaks volumes in terms of propaganda for equality. It's just magnificent.
Kids need to remember that when you put something on Twitter, it's not like whispering to your friend, you've put it on a billboard that the whole world, including your own kids someday, can see.
When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a Christmas tree.
Telemarketers tell me I sound like Bill Cosby.
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Sometimes I buy my wife flowers.
