Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.
Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.
Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.
Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.
The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.