Lisa Lampanelli Zitate auf Englisch

Zitat des Tages von Lisa Lampanelli:

'Baywatch' sucks so bad. I didn't watch it the first time around; I'm sure not going to buy a DVD. But really, you just kind of find out the categories of what's most foolish about these people. With Hasselhoff, it's obviously the huge man-tits with chest hair, probably a lot about his crappy acting, obviously the hamburger video - that's huge.

I just really work hard on myself every day.

Lisa Lampanelli

Ticket sales will get higher the day after roasts.

Lisa Lampanelli

People with HIV and AIDS are nothing to be afraid of. They are people just like every single one of us, and each has a story to tell. These people should be helped, embraced, and not dismissed. We need to open our hearts and our minds to them, and we just may learn we're pretty much all the same.

Lisa Lampanelli

I really think the biggest honor, as a comic, is to get roasted by either the Friars Club or the Comedy Central or someone like that. Because it really shows, you know, that you've arrived.

Lisa Lampanelli

I'm not a private person. I like hanging out and talking to fans. But my life isn't so interesting that you want to see the inside of it.

Lisa Lampanelli

Until I got the weight off, there was something inside of me that said, 'You hate yourself.' You get too depressed over the weight to really work on this. For whatever reason, I had to take the weight off to do this work.

Lisa Lampanelli

When doing comedy, I do what makes me laugh. The first person I learned from said I should talk about things I am passionate about - that I love or hate - because the audience likes to see passion. The stuff I rant and rave about stems from a place that really pisses me off.

Lisa Lampanelli

Too many people have already lost their lives to HIV and AIDS, and the more celebrities who can bring attention to the issue, the better.

Lisa Lampanelli

The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual,' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me.

Lisa Lampanelli

That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French.

Lisa Lampanelli

William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever.

Lisa Lampanelli

I'm not saying the N word anymore.

Lisa Lampanelli

I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too.

Lisa Lampanelli

When I decided to do 'The Celebrity Apprentice,' there was absolutely no question that I would play the game for GMHC.

Lisa Lampanelli

I lost over 100 pounds, so I'm even angrier than ever. I don't stuff my feelings anymore with food. Skinny girls are funny.

Lisa Lampanelli

I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans.

Lisa Lampanelli

I got sick of trying everything. I tried every single thing imaginable - diet, exercise. I even bought a house on the health spa property, and I still gained weight.

Lisa Lampanelli

I heard Cher say, 'I answer to two people: Myself and God.' I say, 'I only answer to me. I'm not sure I appreciate God's opinion.'

Lisa Lampanelli

I'm not looking for 'outer esteem' anymore, what they call 'other esteem.' I'm looking for self-esteem. And people think that self-esteem is built with accomplishments. And, 'Hey, look what I did in my life.'

Lisa Lampanelli

Shortly after college, I was working in New York City at 'Rolling Stone' magazine.

Lisa Lampanelli

I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years.

Lisa Lampanelli

My thing has always been, I've never been very open and vulnerable with people, so the minute I got this dog, everything changed. It just opened me up and made me more loving... It's all because of him... He's made me a better person... I can tell people what I feel now. I can cry in front of people sometimes.

Lisa Lampanelli

I was 25 myself once. I also thought I knew everything. I also thought that I could give singers singing advice and comics comedy advice. When you're that age, you know it all, so I understand it. But when you're tired and you don't have patience for it, you definitely snap.

Lisa Lampanelli

I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets.

Lisa Lampanelli

I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net.

Lisa Lampanelli

If Flavor Flav was any smaller and darker, Brad and Angelina would try to adopt him.

Lisa Lampanelli

I can really serve the audience instead of making this about me and about serving myself and my pocketbook.

Lisa Lampanelli

I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause.

Lisa Lampanelli

I've gone through literally over 30 years of struggle with weight and food and body image... and I'm like, 'Wait a minute.'

Lisa Lampanelli

I thought I had to work at someplace everybody's heard of. It was never, 'I'm interested in such and such. I want to work in such and such magazine.' It was like, 'Oh, my G-d, I really need to work for somebody so people will think I'm OK.' So I got a job at 'Popular Mechanics'.

Lisa Lampanelli

The dog lasted. The marriage didn't. So it shows which relationship was meant to be.

Lisa Lampanelli

I remember, after the Pamela Anderson roast, being told, 'You're sold out - you can add two more shows.'

Lisa Lampanelli

I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever.

Lisa Lampanelli

I think people were just seriously happy to find a funny woman who does comedy like a man. Because I learned how to do comedy from guys, from watching those Dean Martin roasts years ago.

Lisa Lampanelli

Before, I didn't do celebrity stuff, 'cause Kathy Griffin did that, but now, if you're going to make jokes on Twitter, you have to stay current.

Lisa Lampanelli

I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else. I'm not going to feel like some kind of freak.

Lisa Lampanelli