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I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Kinky Friedman

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Kinky Friedman

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Kinky Friedman

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

Kinky Friedman

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

Kinky Friedman

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

Kinky Friedman

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Kinky Friedman

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

Kinky Friedman

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

Kinky Friedman

We were a country band with a social conscience.

Kinky Friedman

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

Kinky Friedman

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

Kinky Friedman

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

Kinky Friedman

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

Kinky Friedman

I see an issue I like, and I support it.

Kinky Friedman

I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

Kinky Friedman

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

Kinky Friedman

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

Kinky Friedman

I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

Kinky Friedman

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Kinky Friedman

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Kinky Friedman

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.

Kinky Friedman

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

Kinky Friedman

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Kinky Friedman

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Kinky Friedman

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Kinky Friedman

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

Kinky Friedman

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

Kinky Friedman

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'

Kinky Friedman

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

Kinky Friedman

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

Kinky Friedman

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

Kinky Friedman

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

Kinky Friedman

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

Kinky Friedman

I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.

Kinky Friedman

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

Kinky Friedman