Erma Bombeck Zitate auf Englisch

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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Erma Bombeck

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

Erma Bombeck

Children make your life important.

Erma Bombeck

God created man, but I could do better.

Erma Bombeck

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Erma Bombeck

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

Erma Bombeck

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Erma Bombeck

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

Erma Bombeck

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Erma Bombeck

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Erma Bombeck

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Erma Bombeck

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

Erma Bombeck

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

Erma Bombeck

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

Erma Bombeck

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Erma Bombeck

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

Erma Bombeck

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Erma Bombeck

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Erma Bombeck

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Erma Bombeck

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

Erma Bombeck

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Erma Bombeck

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

Erma Bombeck

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

Erma Bombeck

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Erma Bombeck

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

Erma Bombeck

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

Erma Bombeck