Zitat des Tages von Alan King:
I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
Right when I started in show... Milton Berle was my first idol. When I was a kid, I went to see Milton at Lowe's State, and I never laughed so much, and I said, 'That's who I want to be; that's what I want to be.'
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
As you get older, as you become more sensitive, feel more, it becomes harder to make jokes. You censor yourself.
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb chops 26 nights in a row. Then I took over. I used to mind her not caring about food, but no more - as long as I can eat what I want.
Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there isn't any one thing, one formula or kind of character that makes a great comedian. Everybody has had a different approach.
Smoked salmon is for dinner. Belly lox is for breakfast. Don't get that mixed up.
You only live once, except for Shirley MacLaine.
