Les Dawson Zitate auf Englisch

Zitat des Tages von Les Dawson:

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

Les Dawson

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Les Dawson

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Les Dawson

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Les Dawson

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

Les Dawson

My wife sent her photograph to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back, said they weren't that lonely.

Les Dawson

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

Les Dawson

When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn't take me to the doctor, he used me as a night light.

Les Dawson

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

Les Dawson

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Les Dawson

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

Les Dawson

I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored.

Les Dawson

I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.

Les Dawson

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

Les Dawson

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

Les Dawson

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.'

Les Dawson

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.

Les Dawson

With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.

Les Dawson

I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles.

Les Dawson