Zitat des Tages von Jimmy Carr:
If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.
More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.
Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.
Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna.
Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
I don't see myself as offending people.
A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.
It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.
Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.
I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group.
I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.
You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.