Zitat des Tages von Jay Leno:
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh... it's as simple as that.
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.
Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada.'
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
