Zitat des Tages von Garrison Keillor:
It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.
Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy.
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.
I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine.
Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'
A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
I want to resume the life of a shy person.
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.
Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.
A book is a gift you can open again and again.
Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
I think that if writers are tempted to do other things, they ought to go do other things. They should not write if they don't feel like it. I say this as a competitor. I am not interested in encouraging people who are in competition with me.
I don't have a great eye for detail. I leave blanks in all of my stories. I leave out all detail, which leaves the reader to fill in something better.
Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth, and it's impressive. But you see it in print, and it's just ugly.
My religion would be a gentle faith that believed in the sacredness of leisure. Napping as a form of prayer.